You’ll Have Mo’ Money & Less Problems With These 4 Courses

By | Marketing

Dec 29

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.

We’re sure that your experimental performance piece The Words I Say Without My Lips is truly mesmerizing, and maybe even a little avant-garde. But if you’re struggling to find steady work after earning your art degree, it might be time to take a lesson from those business school dorks you always derided and get some skills with actual market value.

To guide you along in your quest for financial solvency, we’ve assembled a list of some of the most useful vocational skills today, along with the best ways to quickly learn them on the internet. Everything shown here is taught by Rob Percival, a digital jack-of-all trades who has taught almost half a million students to code and believes that building technical sophistication shouldn’t be more frustrating than solving a Rubik’s Cube in the dark.

For a more future-proof career, consider getting familiar with one of the following areas:

iOS App Development

The Apple App Store is a gold mine of opportunity. Just about every person with functioning thumbs has used those thumbs on an iPhone, and before long, Apple will find a way to enlist big toes and elbows as well. Because of the iPhone’s mass appeal, and because developers get 70 percent of all revenue from sales, talented coders can easily make a six-figure income.

However, just because iOS uses tightly integrated developer tools doesn’t mean you’ll automatically become a genius programmer. To take a deep dive into iOS 11 before it gets released to the public, the Complete iOS 11 & Swift Developer Course will have you building 20 full-fledged apps with the help of your new best friend, Rob. You’ll make everything from casual dating apps to Super Mario knockoffs, and it’ll only cost you $15.

Android App Development

The iPhone might be the most popular smartphone in America, but in terms of worldwide appeal, the Apple has not fallen far from the star-spangled tree. In terms of global smartphone market share, Google’s open-source mobile OS has a staggering lead in high-end markets like China, and it is basically the only choice in developing countries. If you have an app idea with worldwide potential, choosing Android as your development target makes a lot more sense. We suggest something where people try to catch Pokemon in the real world. We are 99 percent sure that’s not been taken yet.

You can chase those globetrotting ambitions by building 17 different apps with the Complete Android N Developer Course. You’ll get familiar with geolocation, permanent data storage, and basic game development for only $15.

Digital Marketing

So you’ve got your groundbreaking app and a world-punching website. That’s great. But unfortunately, marketing them is going to take a lot more work than writing “CLICK ON MY WEBSITE” on a bumper sticker. If you want to make a meaningful impact, you need to know how to find your audience, and keep them aware of your budding enterprise without spamming the hell out of them.

In the Complete Digital Marketing Course, your boys Robby P. and Daragh Walsh will demystify the eyeball-capturing tactics of search engine optimization, effective copywriting, Google AdWords, and cross-platform social media strategy. You can learn these essential lessons for only $19, 90 percent off the usual price.

Web Development

Move over, Spider-Man. The greatest webslinger of our time will be you after you take The Complete Web Developer Course 2.0. And if you try to steal that webslinger pun, we will sue you for a million internet points. What are internet points, you ask? Don’t play dumb with us.

Unlike most web development curricula, this one shies away from the endless churn of server-side JavaScript and framework hipsterism in favor of battle-hardened PHP/MySQL. That means you can apply your new talents to problems that actual businesses will pay you to solve. You’ll also be making Twitter clones, developing blogs and e-commerce sites via WordPress, and you’ll receive free unlimited web hosting after one year, just to get your digital pursuits rolling. Grab this acclaimed coding course for just $19. With these courses, you’ll earn more internet points than us in no time. And then YOU’LL be able to sue US.

Wait, no …

Enjoy (Division) Going Solo as your own Fettator — er, boss. You earned it.

Is the start-up world no for you? Make any job just that much more satisfying with Make Your Boring Office Job Suck Less With The Cracked Store. No offense.

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